people say dolphins are smart but there not smart enough to not be Shity grey rubber tubes flappin about in the gotdamn ocean


congratulations! you are the piss lord of shit mountain. thank u for hefting turds down the mountainside so that we, the proles, may feast on your bounteous craps

(via deluminator)

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In the delivery room


mother: is it a boy or a girl?

doctor: *puts baby between teeth* it’s a metaphor

(via kianlawley)

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TURNT UP? more like learnt up. stay in school

(Source: ancientdad, via zackisontumblr)

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"i dont know about you, but im feeling 22 officer so i dont think these underage drinking charges should really apply to me"

(via fake-mermaid)

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perfectic theme